My 5 most ridiculous acts of procrastination

IMG_3851We all procrastinate from time to time, and that’s ok. Sometimes – especially when writing – it does you good to wander off, do something else and come back to what you were working on.

The thing is, I procrastinate quite often. I like to that I’d procrastinate procrastinating if I could. Trying to fit writing books in around touring with bands (keeping in mind no one knows I’m a double agent) is hard enough as it is, so like now, when I have a deadline looming, it would do me well to crack on… but…

Here are five of the most ridiculous things I have done/continue to do when I should be working:

1. Writing this blog
Yes, I am putting off working to write about putting off working. Just consider for a moment how truly ridiculous this is. I acknowledge that I have a procrastination problem – I know full well that I’m doing it – and yet it doesn’t stop me. I could be working on my next novel, a side project, promotional stuff… instead I am writing about not writing. Every word I type here could be going towards something much bigger and better, and yet I’m tapping away without a care in the world. One thing is for sure though, I guarantee you won’t suffer a speck of writers block when you’re writing something that you don’t absolutely need to.

2. Taking a break from taking a break
Another one that’s hard to wrap your head around, but bear with me. Say I take a break from writing to grab a drink or some lunch – that doesn’t take too long, does it? Well it can if you know what you’re doing, because why grab something quick to eat when you can make something time consuming. I usually find that anything involving flour takes ages – cupcakes, pancakes, cake-cakes – and it will take even longer if you make them for your friends… PANCAKES FOR EVERYBODY!

3. Reconnecting with an ex
Yes, one time I was actually so desperate to put off doing my work that I called my ex-boyfriend for a catch up. That might be sweet if we had stayed friends, but we didn’t. I sort of hate him, he was (and still is) an absolute arsehole. We spoke for two hours and he took that as his cue to make me a mix tape. Heed my warning: do not go there.

4. Crazy organising and cleaning
Distractions are everywhere, and there’s always something that needs doing – only in my case, the things that cross my mind really don’t need doing. A quick glance to my right and I’ll think, “Life would be SO much easier if my books were in alphabetical order, I should totally do that right now” or “I am a grown-woman, should cleaning my windows be a part of my life? I should clean my windows so my neighbours can see what a fine adult I am”. Maybe I’ll sort through my make-up (but never throw any of it out, not even the empties), maybe I’ll reposition my stuffed animals, or maybe I’ll just empty a draw of its contents and then put everything back inside again. The bottom line? None of this needs doing, but it feels like a legitimate reason to take a little time off.

5. Body modifications
“What would I look like if I only applied make-up to half of my face? Maybe I should cut myself a fringe… I know what might be fun, I’ll try on everything I own. At once. My nails, they should all be different colours. Maybe I should paint my dog’s nails – can you even pain a dog’s nails? Especially a boy dog’s nails…” are just some of the absolutely ridiculous things that I will do or consider when I am procrastinating. Slipping on a beautiful pair of shoes and strolling around the room for a few minutes isn’t so bad, but trying to cut yourself and your dog matching fringes is just too far. Know your limits.

Now, get back to work!


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