Six Secrets: The Secret Life of Portia MacIntosh

When the Pink Ink ladies sat down together and decided we would each reveal six secrets on our blog, I couldn’t wait. Not only to share my own (at the time undecided) secrets, but to read what Rebecca, Katie and Samantha had been hiding from me.

With the semi-kiss-and-tell nature of my books, I think people are expecting me to dish the dirt on some of the big stars I have toured with over the years, but here’s the thing: there’s plenty of that in my books, and spilling my celebrity secrets is something that comes naturally to me. So I’m going to step outside my comfort zone and tell you six secrets about the girl behind Portia MacIntosh: the real me.

I mean, you don’t want to hear anymore silly showbiz tales, do you? Oh, you do? OK, I’ll throw a few of those in two.

I used to be fat. When I was a teen, I was overweight, and I don’t mean I was a bit chubby, I mean I was really big. I lost a lot of weight and this is something that a lot of people who know me today (even in real life) have absolutely no idea about. If I do happen to show anyone a photo of me from seven years ago, they lose their minds. This is probably my biggest secret, ever, but why? The people who do know tell me how proud I should feel, but I don’t, I feel ashamed I was ever so big. I did recently grow braver, telling people I used to be 50 lbs heavier…until I showed a guy I had just started seeing an old photo. ‘Wow, I wouldn’t have looked twice at you back then,’ he told me honestly. It shouldn’t matter to people, but it does.

Here’s a true story from one of my books. Most of you know that my books How Not to be Starstruck and Between a Rockstar and a Hard Place are inspired by my time working in the music industry. One thing I have never done is tell people what is and isn’t true…until now. There’s a scene in How Not to be Starstruck where Nicole is tricked by a band boy; it’s the middle of the night and he orchestrates a plan to get her on her own down a dark alleyway. This did happen to me one night on tour, and while it was much less pleasant than the version you’ll read in the book, the absolute worse didn’t happen and for that I feel very lucky. It has affected the way I trust people though, and it’s made me a lot more careful.

Creepy crawlies creep me out. Oh, I’m scared of bugs, what’s the big deal? I don’t just let out a girly squeal and jump on a chair when I see a spider, I go absolutely berserk. Spiders, moths and daddy longlegs…I can’t even be in a room with them. I get so scared, I cry and shake. They absolutely repulse me, I can’t even look at them. On several occasions I have refused to go to bed because a big, hairy, scary moth has flown behind my bed. I have trashed rooms trying to remove bugs – I’ve even smashed a bathroom light and broken a sink, like, it ended up with a hole in it, it was totally ruined. Oddly I’m not scared of flies or butterflies (which are essentially pretty coloured moths) and I’m terrified of bats. It is embarrassing and guys don’t find it cute or endearing, especially when all they want to do is sleep.

I buy most of my clothes from sex shops. Now, perhaps the people who see me out and about could guess as much, but I do tend to buy a lot of my day-to-day clothes from sex shops. Sometimes the things I buy are actually intended to be worn as clothing, like club-wear, but I also buy a lot of nightwear and even items that I’m pretty sure are intended solely for entertaining in the bedroom. I mix and match them with other things, or sometimes just straight-up wear a nightie to the shops, and people just seem to assume they’re my everyday clothes. My super-raunchy everyday clothes, but my everyday clothes none the less.

I don’t have many female friends. I’m what you call a guy’s girl, and until recently I was oddly proud of this. ‘Oh, I don’t really have any female friends – I’ve just always got on with guys better,’ I would tell people. Only now do I realise how sad that is. I have a few female friends, but I don’t have that girly network of besties like the chicks in the movies do. I think growing up around bands has had a massive effect on the way I am now. As much as I’m a girly-girl, I’m quite typically boyish in my thoughts, my approach to sex and relationships and even my hobbies. I often wonder why girls don’t seem to like me, but I find it encouraging that as Portia I have made so many wonderful female friends…and yet in my real life it’s just me and the guys.

I’m currently caught up in celebrity love triangle. Well, I say love triangle…is it a love triangle if they don’t know about each other? Let me start by saying, I’m not in a relationship with either of these guys. What happened was, in my quest to meet a normal guy – set my one of my few close female friends, I wound up meeting a celebrity without knowing he was one (if you’re not in a band, chances are I haven’t heard of you). I kept text-flirting with him, but stayed true to my promise to try find a normal bloke and met another nice guy in the same place the following night…only to find out he’s famous too, and that they actually work together. Safe in the knowledge I can’t date either without the other finding out – and making me look like some kind of celebrity stalker – I have kept in touch with both of them, but keep turning down their offers of dates. I only wish I had met the second guy first, because we have really hit it off! He’s such a nice man, unlike the first guy who it turns out is actually a bit of a bad boy. Also, he sent me sext asking if I’d pee on him. But that’s his secret to tell, not mine.


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