How to amuse yourself in hotels in the middle of the night


Ah, life on the road. You can’t beat it – especially when you get to stay in lovely hotels.

Yes, even when you’re on tour with musicians, everyone needs a decent night’s sleep every now and then, and even though a late night is still inevitable, sleeping in a lovely bed is much better than trying to get comfortable in your bus bunk.

In my novel, How Not to be Starstruck, I write about what life is like touring with musicians. The wild hotel parties are great, but they’re not every night. Some nights we go out and stagger back in the early hours, other times we chill in the hotel bar before heading to bed.

You’ve been on the road for a while, you’ve stayed in a bunch of hotels, your body clock is ruined, the band are knackered from gigging but you don’t have that outlet for your energy and suddenly it’s 4am and you’re the only one who is awake.

Recently I’ve found myself awake in the middle of the night more often that usual… here’s how I’ve kept myself amused in hotels.

Wash away those sins

Hotel baths rarely let me down. Fill it nice and deep, make the most of the complimentary bath products and lie back and soak before throwing one of the fluffy robes. It will kill a little time, relax you and hopefully you’ll drop right off to sleep afterwards. At the very least, it’ll wash away your sins.

Photo opportunities

Hotel rooms/bathrooms are always full of big mirrors, so why not make the most of it? Get creative. Mess with the lighting, strike a pose and snap your best side. Buzz it round your Snapchat friends, update that Facebook profile picture and realise that tipsy, middle-of-the-night underwear selfies are ill-advised and keep them to yourelf. Definitely don’t make them the image to accompany articles like this.

Let them eat brownies

The best and worst thing about hotels is that you can pick up the phone and have someone bring you brownies and ice-cream in at any time of day. Or pizza. Or chips. Or all of the above. When it’s the middle of the night, all the unhealthy stuff is going to seem mighty appealing to you. That mini bar isn’t going to empty itself either, you should probably plough through that too – Pringles taste so much better when the price is marked up by 150%.

Battle the bulge

You’re stuck in a room with essentially infinite food, plus, all that alcohol is going to be full of calories… you need to work out. I’m not proposing you run laps of your room or dash up and down the corridors, but a few sets of squats, sit-ups, push-ups, etc. isn’t going to do you any harm. It’ll tire you out and make your butt look good in those underwear selfies.

Watch TV

Whether you’re aimlessly clicking through the free channels or laughing at the pay-per-view porn (story lines are really going down hill), the TV will be your best friend. If you embrace technology, then Netflix will be the BFF you always wanted, and an instant cure to your boredom. Breaking Bad is a great place to start and if you’ve already seen it, you’ll know it’s worth a re-watch.

Get sexty

If you’re really desperate for some company, hit up the phone contacts you know will be awake. I have a bizarre phone relationship with a celeb who lives in a different timezone, so most of our interactions play out at a strange time for one of us. Nothing passes the time like flirting – you can even send a few of those sexy selfies you’ve been working hard to perfect. Just be sure to do so on Snapchat so they’re inadmissible come morning.

How Not to be Starstruck is just 59p from Amazon. Click here to pick up a copy.


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