Life after The Fappening! How not to get caught with your pants down

We live in a dodgy time, my friends, and it’s all thanks to the internet.

Years ago, if you wanted to look at porn, you had to go out, swallow your embarrassment, and buy it. Now you only need to open the wrong website and a billion porny popups will appear before your eyes. We have porn literally falling into our laps – well, what better place for it?

Similarly, if you wanted to swap nude photos with someone you would have to take them using a Polaroid camera (not the easiest camera to selfie with, as the modern-day hipsters will testify) and either hand them over in person or post them in an actual post box (for those of you who don’t remember, posting is that thing from the past where you put stuff in an envelope, attach a stamp and an actual man delivers it to the house of the person you want it to go to). These days it’s easy to send naughty selfies, in fact, it gets easier and easier with the invention of every new app.

The thing is though, with new apps comes new risks. The people you are sending these photos to might not be as trustworthy as you think, and we live in a time when people will hack you just because they can.

Celebrities are’t the only ones who are targeted these days, so you’ve got to be smart. Here are my top tips for keeping your private parts as private as possible.

Don’t do it

That’s the best advice I can give you. If you don’t do it, there’s no chance of anything leaking and it’s that simple. We’re young and stupid though, right? So if that hasn’t convinced you to keep it in your pants, then read on.

Get you head (and other body parts) out of the clouds

After The Fappening, everyone is talking about the cloud. In simple terms, the cloud is somewhere that you can back your files up to and then you can access them from your various devices. Great when used correctly, but catastrophic when exploied to get at your personal info. For those of you who don’t know, The Fappening saw many celebs have their clouds hacked and many had saucy photos leak – notably actress Jennifer Lawrence, who said the Fappening wasn’t a scandal, it was a sex crime. If these images are only stored on your phone then they are relatively safe for as long as your phone is safe. Don’t store any sensitive material in the cloud.

Be ware of self-destructing images

Apps like Snapchat are great, in theory. The idea is that you can take photos of whatever you want, send them to particular people and control how long they can see it before the image disappears forever. Well, that’s the idea. Of course, people can take a screenshot of your image, but if you have an iPhone then a screenshot will alert the sender, which is enough to discourage people from keeping a copy of the image. Perviness will prevail though, and people have found many ways to keep a copy of your supposedly self-destructing snap. The worst of all is the use of forbidden third party apps to secretly save your photo, which is bad enough, but first we had The Fappening, now we’ve got The Snappeining. Rumour has it that a third party app has been secretly storingĀ snaps (many of a sensitive nature) and the worst thing is you don’t need to have used it yourself to be at risk. If the recipients used the app to save your photo then it will be there. Snapchat have said that, while their servers haven’t been breached, there’s always a chance that deleted data can be retrieved, so don’t include any state secrets in your selfies. So Snapchat with caution, people. Or at the very least, keep you “state secrets” covered.

Sexting is a two-way street

You know how you can tell your best friend anything? Not only because you love and trust them, but because you both know so many of each other’s secrets that if one of you were to start blabbing, both of you would be ruined. Well you need a similar kind of set-up with your sexting partner. Of course it’s ideal that you wait to sext with someone until you are in a loving and committed relationship (and if you are in said relationship, make sure your partner is the one you are sexting) but you ideally want to trust the person you are swapping snaps with. But, if you can’t get trust, get leverage. If you’re both sending mucky messages and swapping sexy snaps they it’s in no one’s best interest to start wrongly sharing things. The best defence is a strong offence.

Get the angles right

Whether you’re snapping your selfies at arms length or in the mirror, there is one golden rule to follow when your snaps are anything above a PG rating: do not, under any circumstances, have your face in the photo. Without your face, your naked body parts are nothing special, just more of the same stuff that dominates the net. With your face, it’s a photo of you. Naked. Should snaps get out, the situation will be a lot less embarrassing if the photo could be of anyone. The internet never forgets, so don’t give people a chance to put a face to the “state secrets”.


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